So a year has passed and what can I say, I've stuck to what I normally do and slip between periods of inactivity and fitness madness.
I'm going to restart the blog but more as a weekly weigh in and muster my thoughts thing rather than a daily occurance.
Why I stopped a year ago
I was in a really dark place mentally, zero self confidence, axiexty attacks, social phobia and deep depression. I drank, a lot, and this didn't help either in fact it greatly contributed to my weight.
I did what I always done, missed one day, thought "fuck it" and stopped completely. Why I'm like this I didn't know but I've come to realise it's because I set extremely high standards for myself and the fear of failing stops me in my tracks.
A little tale of a year gone by
Well my mum forced me to get referred to a therapist and I thank her so much for doing so. I had 10 sessions with Paul and it opened my eyes to so much that I was doing that was causing my issues (one example being the goal setting above). I'm now happier than I have been in years and while I do have some lingering shyness I know it's just a matter of time and training before I get it conquered!
In march around the time I started therapy I had just returned from an awesome stag weekend in Prague. But, and this is a big but, my self image was at an all time low. Every time I looked at a photo of myself I just hated myself. Coupled with one of my good friends on the stag who hadn't seen me in years saying "Toby, how can you let yourself get into this state?" I was a mess.
When we returned from Prague myself and my friend sat down and watched the Rocky series and I was inspired. All I needed to do was get up and do some exercise every day, eat healthier and it would all be fine (in the end)!
I set my alarm (Rocky theme :P )for 6am and begged myself to get up in the morning and run. And guess what, 6am came around and I was up. Before I had even cleared my morning groggy head I was in shorts and t-shirt and outside, walking to warm up.
The fresh morning air, it hit like a sledgehammer! I was running along a country lane, looking at the sun rise and the dew on the grass, it was utterly beautiful, I was in love. Before I knew it I'd run/walked the 2 mile circuit and was back at my house, panting but with a huge grin on my face. Shower. vitamin/cod liver/ECA Stack (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ECA_stack) pills, protien shake and a few pints of water and I was off to work, feeling more alive than I had since childhood.
I kept it up for two months and even started running 3 miles every Sunday in a respectible time of 33 minutes. I was so shocked with myself that I fell into the old traps. 1) I told people about it. 2) I overextended and signed for a half marathon.
And I stopped, I had achieved so much, was so proud of myself but the same old fear of failure made me not be able to get up or go outside. And that's how it's stayed for the last 4 months :(
I had, however, dropped to 17 stone!
My return
Yesterday I got up, I went outside as the sun was rising and I ran two miles. It ABSOLUTELY killed me and I wanted to be sick but I had to prove to myself that I could do it. Today, I got up and ran / walked the same route as I don't want to get an injury after so long out of running.
I weighted myself and I've maintained at 17 stone since May!
I feel fantastic!
This time I'm not going to talk to people about it, running is something I'm doing for myself, I'm pushing myself to get better at it. I won't be setting achievable yet far fetched goals. I'm going to run 3/4 times a week and walk the circuit the rest of the days.
I'm going to track the calories I eat at http://www.livestrong.com/myplate/ and stay at my defecit.
Don't wish me luck as I won't need it. Before next summer I will be able to take my shirt off in public and not be ashamed :)
Stats and Pics
Sunday Weigh In
Starting Weight: 276 Pounds
Starting Weight: 276 Pounds
Current Weight: 238 Pounds
Lost So Far: 38 Pounds
Left Till Goal: 28 Pounds (WOW THATS NOT THAT MUCH!!!!) :)
Pics (April-May-October) At the top.
Bye
Toby x
Pics (April-May-October) At the top.
Bye
Toby x
